Well, what a month! I’ve finally learnt that the world doesn’t revolve around me (hard to believe folks!) and that sometimes I’ve just got to step off my own rollercoaster and step onto someone else’s… I’m loathe to say ‘Poor Matt’ because that would mean that I feel sorry for him – I don’t. I feel for him, and that’s different altogether. My big strong, gorgeous, funny, loyal Matt is having a toughtime as I’m sure you all know and I’m so relieved that he’s been able to share how he’s feeling. At first, I was a bit gutted that he’d opened up to you guys before he sat down and spilled his guts to me, but like I say…it’s not about me. I can empathise though. I know how it feels to wake up with your stomach churning and that feeling of pending doom; that feeling of complete dread that stays with you until the end of the shift when a sense of euphoria takes over, as you realise you’ve survived another day. That unreasonable, sensitive you that could burst into tears at any mom...

I’ve done it… I have finally come clean to Flo and you know what? It wasn’t as bad as I had imagined, albeit a few tears from both of us, but now my shoulders feel a lot lighter. It all came to a head when working the night shift. Things were going pretty smoothly, but it also felt like the calm before the storm. I went to check on a couple of new patients that had come in during the day, when it all went crazy (it wasn’t a full moon). Sandra, a younger woman with schizophrenia started shouting from the rooftops that her fella was trying to break in, cue her trying to escape; and so she started pushing and shoving her way through the ward, hitting the walls. This started some other patients off and you can imagine the rest. It was one of those shifts when you feel like you are in a dream and you can’t wait ‘til it’s over. I actually felt sorry for Sandra, and like her, at times I wanted to escape from it all. After going home feeling exhausted, I ended up sleeping on the couc...

It’s been another plate-spinning fortnight, but guess what? Some of those plates have now been spun into their rightful place and things are looking good. My first piece of news is that I got the job!! I am now a very proud Band 6 nurse! Steve called me (eventually) to give me the news. The rumours were right, there were two posts and I got one of them! Steve told me that the other successful candidate was pretty much the opposite of me in that she was quiet, steady and sensible. If I hadn’t been so ecstatic, I might have felt a bit insulted but as it was, all I felt was complete elation. I rang Carla as soon as I got off the phone to Steve and she couldn’t do anything but scream! I honestly couldn’t have done this without the encouragement, support and belief of both Steve and Carla. My second piece of news is that the wedding plans are almost complete; everything has been ordered or arranged. Ironically, the only thing to buy now is the Dragon Mother’s outfit. As you would...

Just call me Jennifer Ennis. I’m sure that’s who the world thinks I am with all these hurdles that are being put in front of me. It started when I received the letter, inviting me for an interview for the Band 6 position on the ward. When I say ‘interview’, what I really mean is ‘interrogation’. Not satisfied that us mere mortals should sweat for a solid hour through a traditional interview, the powers that be have decided that selection of the fittest should consist of an assessment centre – whatever that means. Once I’d peeled myself off the ceiling, I went in search of Matt who is usually the voice of reason. Unfortunately, not this time. I’m sure he took my place on the ceiling.  He’d got his Band 6 position late last year and hadn’t had to jump through hoops this size. We looked at it together to try to decipher the size of this task. There would be a written assessment, based on a fictitious patient, to test my clinical skills. Then there was the role pla...

I’ve cried buckets this week. My mum thinks I’m pregnant because I can’t stop crying and keeps ranting at me that any hope of a decent wedding dress is dripping away. I know I’m not pregnant. I know I’m just emotional because I can’t stop thinking about Gloria’s funeral. I don’t usually go to the funerals of my patients, but Claire (another patient) asked me if I would take her. She’s waiting for a place in a nursing home as she needs support to manage her cancer, and she wanted to pay a special tribute to Gloria. Gloria had touched everyone’s lives on Eden Bay for the short period that she had been there and she had become particularly close to Claire. Gloria’s husband was living in a nursing home, but had been too frail himself to attend the funeral of his beloved wife. Claire told me that she couldn’t do anything further to help Gloria but she wanted to help her husband in any way she could. So, she’d written a poem – and she made everyone weep. Every time I thi...

My brain is officially frazzled! I have just finished the last of the courses that Carla booked me onto and I won’t lie, I’m knackered. I’d forgotten just how difficult it was to study, go to work AND service a love life! Let’s not even talk about the state of my house – something had to give! Don’t get me wrong; I’m not moaning (well, not in my usual way) and I know that I am a very, very lucky nurse to have the opportunity to further my knowledge. I know that there are loads of nurses who don’t have as much investment as I’ve had in the last few months and I really feel for them. I worked out how much the individual courses would have been if I’d had to fund them myself and it would easily be over a thousand quid – so I’m really grateful and not moaning!! The first course was the male catheterisation which I was itching to do. I couldn’t stop talking about it at home which made Matt alternate between green and pale. He made sure that he knew the exact dates of my course – and...

I’ve had mixed feelings about Christmas this year… On the happy side, it was mine and Matt’s first Christmas together!! Like proper grown-ups! We both worked on Christmas Day so we decided that Christmas dinner/supper is going to be chicken and chips (home-made of course to mark the special occasion), followed by a share tub of Ben & Jerrys (is there such a thing as a share tub?) and a few glasses of fizzy stuff! We both worked on boxing day too so we daren’t indulge too much.  On the ‘what have I done to deserve this?’ side, on the Christmas rota it would appear that I’m working almost every shift with Jo. Cos it’s Christmas, it’s a pretty scant rota and Steve is helping us all out by working as a nurse, rather than in his usual Charge Nurse role, but he’s basically having Christmas off and working New Year….happy days…not! Jo is furious with me after I arranged for a dying patient to have one last Christmas. We received a huge hamper of chocolate from her daughte...

Happily Ever After really feels like just a fairy tale sometimes; and I’m genuinely not thinking about myself when I say it...  You see I put aside my job search for a while and started thinking long and hard about what I need to do to improve my skills and knowledge.  Don’t laugh, but I decided to put myself out there. I know that sounds a bit dodgy. I assure you it has nothing to do with my twerking skills. Nor my ability to complete a Donner kebab marathon after a couple of pints of Old Peculiar!  So I asked my charming friend/colleague/nemesis Charisma at the Nursing Agency to see if she could book me in for a few shifts outside of my normal haunts. I figured if I was going to improve my skills, I would have to move outside of my comfort zone and challenge myself a bit. Sadly, Charisma thought I was having a go. Which meant she found me the most challenging place to work that she could – but in my cup-half-full kind of way – most rewarding too!  ...